Film Review: “Sentinel”

• SENTINEL
• Starring: Jason R. Moore, Michael Pare
• Directed by: Stefano Milla
• Rating: Unrated
• Running Time: 1 hr 30 mins
• American Widescreen Pictures

With all the feel of a bad video game from 2005, the new science fiction film “Sentinel” may be one of the worst movies to be released in the 21st century. Its special effects are so terrible that even a first grader using some glue, paper, scissors, and a few markers could have created something better. The costumes are cheesy, the dialogue is wooden, and the acting is subpar. There is not one redeemable quality about it. Even the music is bad.

“Sentinel” begins in the year 2155 when an alien invasion wipes out most of humanity after arriving on Earth via a multi-dimensional portal. Those who managed to survive were miners working in a colony on the dark side of the moon. Decades later, scientists utilizing DNA technology, select three hand-picked soldiers – Damon Singleton (Jason R. Moore, “The Punisher” TV series), Jarrod Williams (Neil Cole), and Robin Hunters (Ellie Patrikios) – to send back to Earth to work with any human resistance that may be left and end the alien presence.

Of course, things go haywire as the three soldiers find themselves scattered and unable to communicate with one another. On top of that, they come face to face with zombie-like creatures and a seemingly invincible adversary called the Sentinel who guards the portal. Can the three heroes find any humans to help defeat the Sentinel with their stoic looks and their laser tag attire stolen from a pizza parlor? Oh, and there is also a subplot on the moon where the miners’ President (Michael Pare, “Eddie and the Cruisers”), who has a terrible mustache, seems to be involved in a conspiracy. And the moon scenes look like a poor man’s version of “Blade Runner” and “Total Recall”.

I have been reviewing movies since the early 1990s and “Sentinel” is the first film that made me want to claw my eyeballs out. I’m not sure if even copious amounts of alcohol would make this absolute waste any better. I could actually feel my IQ dropping as I watched it. It’s a time suck of epic proportions.

Overall, “Sentinel” should earn every Razzie Award possible.

“Sentinel” receives zero stars out of five.

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